Pause, Regulate, and Respond With Grace in a Beautifully Complex — and Often Divided — World.

Written By Jessie Thompson, LMSW, LCSW Lasting Peace Counseling

At the time of this writing, the global population has surpassed eight billion people, nearly double what it was in 1975. 44% are of working age. 90% identify with some form of religion. 55% are female. More than 7,000 languages are spoken worldwide, and only a small percentage of those are what we would call “major” languages.

Zoom in closer and you’ll find layers within layers; cultures within cultures, families within communities, personalities within households. Preferences. Histories. Trauma. Temperaments. Beliefs.

With this much diversity—globally, nationally, regionally, and even inside one family—it’s remarkable we agree on anything at all!

Conflict is not surprising; it’s human. And it is as old as humanity itself.

By Genesis chapter four, one brother has already killed another. Cain and Abel mark the beginning of a story that continues through Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers, nations at war, churches divided.

Scripture reminds us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, there is a deeper spiritual battle at play in a fallen world.

Conflict did not begin with us. But how we respond to it is within our control. 

Think back to the last time you faced conflict, or even anticipated it. What was happening inside your body?

If you’re like most people, your heart was racing. Palms sweating. Breath slightly dysregulated. A knot forming in your stomach.

This is your body’s threat response.

When your brain perceives something as unsafe, it sends signals to prepare you for survival. The challenge is that once this stress response is activated, it becomes incredibly difficult to access higher-order thinking (impulse control, problem solving, empathy, even our ability to connect relationally).

If this survival system is in charge when conflict arises, it’s no wonder so many disagreements end in fighting, shutting down, or avoidance altogether (think fight/flight/freeze).

So why does conflict feel like such a threat?

Because many of us have never seen it done well.

For some, conflict has led to divorce, abandonment, job loss, or even violence. Our brains learned early that disagreement equals danger.

But here is the beautiful truth: At its core, conflict is often a response to feeling misunderstood. It is a fear that we may lose connection. It comes from a really good place!

Beneath the raised voices or defensive tones is usually a heart longing to be seen, known, and valued. As counterproductive as it may appear, escalation is often a desperate attempt to connect.

So the real question becomes:

How do we do conflict well?
How do we resolve it before it even begins? 

We are not left helpless. We are given tools, both spiritual and psychological, to interrupt conflict before it escalates.

Here are three:

1. Pause Before You Participate

You do not have to engage in every invitation for conflict. Silence is not weakness; it is wisdom. Ask yourself: Is responding right now helpful or harmful? 

2. Regulate Before You Reason

If your body is activated, logic will not lead. Breathe. Slow down. Pray. Give your nervous system time to settle before attempting resolution.

3. Get Curious, Not Combative

Instead of defending immediately, ask:
“What did you mean by that?”
“Can you help me understand?”

Curiosity lowers defenses. Combat raises them. 

These practical tips help communicate to our brains that relationships matter, people matter, your heart matters and helps you reflect peace. And peace, multiplied across eight billion people, can change everything.